


A maid, a tutu, and so so much vodka.

by Albme94



Series: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧Halloween ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ) [7]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Church is the A.I and is just chilling on Carolina's shoulder, Drunken Confessions, Dry Humping, First Kiss, Grif is the party master, Halloween Costumes, Lopez speaking spanish, Love Confessions, M/M, almost 7 minutes in heaven, and dont worry about it <3, dry humping orgasm, imagine the holding hands and 'i think we're alone now' song, like some godforsaken devil, running away from all your problems, silly costumes, soft, soft smut, there's a refrence for something in here but unless you know, you wont notice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28682124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Albme94/pseuds/Albme94
Summary: Not even the simulation troopers in Blood Gulch can escape Halloween... Especially not when Grif decides that a Halloween party is in order.Everyone join voluntary ofc... ofc... 100%
Relationships: Lavernius Tucker/Agent Washington
Series: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧Halloween ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993693
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	A maid, a tutu, and so so much vodka.

" **No**. _**fucking**_. **way.** " Tucker shook his head towards the orange armoured, "you can go back to your red base, take your _confetti_ \--" he threw a box of cheap confetti at him, Grif didn't even attempt to catch it, crossing his arms, shaking his head, "listen Tucker, you're not doing anything to help morale."  
Washington didn't want to join this, he tried to vanish in the background, Carolina was already taken captive, he didn’t want to join them.  
 _"Don’t think._ I can’t see you-" Grif pointed at the grey armoured man, Wash froze, ‘’ **Agent Washington.** ’’ He said as if he was the detective in Clue...

Tucker put down Grif's hand, _"dude._ We're-'' he gestured between him and Washington, "- _ **not** _joining your _stupid_ Halloween party."  
Grif slumped his shoulders, shaking his head in disbelief, "I can’t believe this... Tucker, I really hoped you'd see the cause-" He stood more upright, "but I can see you won’t come quietly..."  
"What." Tucker saw the unmistakable red armour coming from behind the orange, maroon on the other side. ''l guess we have to take you by _force_ \--"  
 _"W-wait--"_ Tucker held out his hands as he backed up, Wash grabbed his arm and they ran, Sarge screaming _**"Charge!"**_

Footsteps following them down the hall, they stopped dead in their tracks, _"Lopez..."_ Tucker exhaled, the brown armoured stood there with a clown wig and the shoes.  
"salvar a ustedes mismos..." [save yourselves...] He said defeated, he stepped aside and let them run past, they finally made it to a room, hearing Sarge's voice echo through the hall, " **Lopez!** Have you seen the deserters? They've betrayed the mother country, _our rights,_ the--"  
Lopez turned to Grif and Simmons, he took a deep breath, "Entraron en la cueva, los dejé pasar, les dije que la cueva es el mejor escondite...." [They went into the cave, I let them pass, I told them that the cave is the best hiding place.]  
Simmons stuttered in confusion, Grif nodded, "we'll search the cave then, good job!" He patted Lopez's back and ran, Sarge joining in the pursuit.  
  
 **~**

Washington sat down against the door, "I..." Breathing heavily.  
Tucker sat down the opposite of him, _"yeah..."_  
"I _**don't**_ want to join the party" Wash whispered, _"me neither"_ Tucker took a deep breath. "Well, _neither_ did we, **but, here, we, are**..."

Washington and Tucker froze, slowly looking up. "If _we're_ being forced... **Then so are you.** " She wore something that was supposed to be a...  
"Why are you dressed up as a _toothbrush?"_ Wash frowned, looking at her with complete confusion.  
"Well, either they were gonna force some basic _cheap_ shit on me, or-" she held her arms out, Church appeared, _"make your own."_  
Tucker rolled his eyes, _'’tch,_ of course you're wearing a halo and wings, what are you supposed to be? _The devil?"_ He snorted.  
"No, you fucking idiot, _I’m an angel~’’_ He posed elegantly, Carolina cleared her throat, "it was easy to make, it's a reference to _the_ best influencer that was on YouTube.''  
"I _just_ remembered , I have some cookies in the oven--" Tucker slowly backed away, Wash was already in the hallway.  
 _"Oh,_ **don't** you _dare_ \--" She pointed at the empty doorway, _"_ ** _Wash!_** _"_ She ran after them.  
  


''l hope this settles this, _and_ don’t you **ever _dare_** to do this to me again, **deal?** " She held them by the neck, as if she was _sacrificing_ them to a God, and honestly? That's what it was.  
Grif grabbed her shoulder firmly, ‘’we’re even, and **I’ll never** ask you to join this again.’’ He nodded, gestured Sarge to come over, the two looked at each other in fear, who knew what came next, ‘’it was nice knowing you…’’ Tucker sighed, Wash nodded.

**~~**

_‘’You know…’’_ Wash begun, Caboose running around Simmons with a broom, shouting ‘’merry witchmas~’', he wore something that _resembled_ a witch outfit, but it was hard to tell... It looked like it was made out of newspaper...  
Simmons was holding his hands over of his eyes sobbing, _‘’Griiiif—‘’_ His wedding veil was hanging on for _dear life_ , the dress didn't go well with his armour, but it was there, _barely._  
Grif was standing over by the table, wearing his Gordon Ramsey costume, practically _inhaling_ food.  
Sarge was, to nobodies _surprise,_ wearing a wannabe sarge uniform, stars and everything... Unless he was going for, _and failing_ , a general outfit.  
Tucker looked over, sipping his drink, ‘’what?’’  
''It _could've_ been worse...'' He tried to sound optimistic... But standing there in a pink, clearly made for _children,_ tutu and a cheap plastic princess crown... _Was hard._  
Tucker scoffed, ''well, you got off _easy..._ I look like... _**fuck**.''_ He opened the bottle and started chugging, the dress wasn't even covering his ass, white stockings that were _more or less_ knee socks at this point, completed with a maid hat. ''I absolutely **hate** this place.''  
''Well...'' the other swallowed, feeling hot... _Clearly_ from the alcohol, ''if it makes you feel any better-- _not_ that it would or, _err,_ should? Wow uh, _you know what_ \--'' Wash stumbled in his words, he grabbed the bottle Tucker was getting _very_ familiar with, ''h-hey!'' He tried to grab it back.  
  


Carolina stood in a corner talking to Lopez, _or_ they may just be jamming to the music...  
''Caboose! _What_ did I tell you about--'' Church shouted towards the marine blue clad, ''he took it away--'' Caboose was, _ironically,_ dressed as a gigantic baby.  
''You were _hitting_ me with it!'' Simmons held the broom away from him, ''what if I hit you back?''  
 _''Noooo--''_ He ran away, Sarge grabbed the broom from Simmons, and went over to the party master, _''Grif!_ Is this what you call a party? Where's the bl--''  
''I'd _love_ to hear what you're talking about, **but** _I'm busy_ -'' he continued to stuff his face with food.  
Tucker looked at the scene, he had a plan.  
He grabbed two bottles of the _strongest_ vodka there, slowly reaching down to Wash's hand, grabbing it, ''let's go quietly while they're busy...''  
They slowly retreated into the hallway, keeping an eye on the toothbrush.  
  


**~~**

''You think--'' Tucker whispered, looking around the corner, still holding Washington's hand, he had handed the other bottle to him, _team yeet._  
''She'll look for us once she realise we're missing?''  
Wash nodded quickly, bad choice for someone who's consumed alcohol at an _alarming_ speed, ''y-yes'' he exhaled while closing his eyes tightly, '' _very much_ so, you know-'' he leaned against the other, almost causing them fall over, ''we should hide somewhere.''  
Tucker pointed at him, ''that's a brilliant idea!''  
''SHH!'' Wash pushed his palm over the other's face, ''right, that's a brilliant ide--'' he repeated in a whisper.  
''Over here Carolina-'' Church announced, _''booooys~_ It's **game** time, stick the _tail_ up the **ass** \--''  
'' **On** , not _in,_ and _donkey_.''  
''I'll stick _something_ up their--'' She growled.  
  
Wash pulled at his _partner in crime's_ arm, they stealthfully walked away, ''in there'' Tucker whispered, ''w-wait--'' Wash tried to stop him, _but it was too late_ , it was too tight, _too small_ of a space, as if Tucker hadn't planned for this to happen.  
He laid on the floor, blinking, Wash on top of him, holding the bottles up in the air, _''... Close the door.''_ Tucker whispered gently, Wash tried to put the bottles down, but with the lack of space, he slowly reached over to close and lock the door, the bottles hitting each other... Making a loud cling noise.  
They laid completely still as the stomping stopped right next to the closet door, _holding their breaths,_ it was as if an _angry bull_ was on the hunt for something _red_...  
She walked away, and soon her footsteps were too far away to be heard.  
  
''Damn... _That_ was close'' Tucker exhaled with a weak chuckle, Wash settled against the wall, Tucker sitting next to him, ''better drink up before she finds us--'' He handed him a bottle, ''cheers...''  
They clinked bottles and drank, way, _way_ too much... _And too quickly._  
  
 **~  
  
**

''Say... _Washhh_ \--'' Tucker slurred, leaning closer, ''what were you gonna say... Earlier?''  
''Hmm? W-when?''  
Tucker gestured with his hand, ''you know, we were talking costumes and shit, _like,_ if it makes me feel any better?'' He instinctively pulled the dress down, _not that it helped_ , not that he even needed to... They wore their armours underneath.  
''O-Oh... _Heh,_ no it wasn't--'' He tried to move away, bad move naturally, because wouldn't you guess it, as if this was a _deliberate_ scene, Tucker fell face down.  
Wash froze.  
''Oh... _Hello''_ He leaned on his elbows, clanking his bottle against Wash, ''since I got you, _or,_ heh... **It** '' he grinned, feeling a bit woozy, ''captive, you might as well tell me~'' He added a bit of a flirty tone, Wash knew this is where he was destined to die, to _perish.  
_  
''You look hot.'' He admitted. ''In that... _Costume.''_  
Go big or go home.  
  


Tucker didn't say anything, he sat up, looking directly at his friend, inhaling before taking a big sip, or more correctly, a chug.  
Washington fucked up, he knew it, _this_ is why you never--  
''Just today?''  
''W-what?''  
''Like, only in _this_ or... Other days too... Is this a... Compliment or a...'' His voice slow and almost slurry, he was almost at the end of his bottle.  
 _''Confession?''_  
Wash couldn't. He drank the rest of his vodka.  
''Yes.''  
''Which part?'' Tucker practically whispered at this point.  
''B-Both.''   
  
  
They sat there frozen in time, Tucker was the first to move, slowly towards the other, lifting his helmet before lifting Wash's.  
''W-what are you--''  
 _''Shh''_ Tucker whispered before he leaned in, as if time stopped all together, a soft kiss became more heated, hand pressing against Wash's lower back, getting as close as he could.  
Their helmets falling to the floor, piece by piece of armour getting pulled off, soon leaving only their undersuits and costumes, ''w-wait-- T-Tucker--'' Wash gasped for air as the other kissed his bare neck, Tucker hummed against him, sending vibrations through his body.  
The cold air hit Wash's nude shoulders, feeling the fabric of the terrible tutu touching him, feeling Tucker's cheap maid costume rubbing against him.  
  
Before either really thought about it, Tucker had Wash's legs spread and he was _basically_ jerking them both off with the ol' classic dry humping.  
Wash's body started jerking and shaking, digging his heels into the other's back, the vibrations sent the _clear signal_ to Tucker's dick, _''f-fuhc--''_ Tucker moaned as he soaked both their underwear and costumes with his _man foam_ , both gasping loudly.  
  
Tucker leaned over the other, small jerks as he rode it out, _''sh-shit...''_ He moaned, he looked at Wash, his eyes were closed, breathing quickly, ''hey'' Tucker grabbed his shoulder, gave him a small shake, ''you good?'' He swallowed dryly.  
Without hesitation, ''I'm fucking great.'' Wash half-heartedly laughed, ''fucking-- _Wasted_ though'' he waved his hand around, Tucker snorted, ''yeah same.''  
 _''We should..._ Go somewhere else...'' Tucker started to get up, Wash nodded, ''and _if you want_...''  
Wash grinned, ''yes.''  
 _''Cool,_ good, _awesome''_ stumbling in his words, ''should we bring-'' they looked at their armour and empty bottles, _''nah''_ Wash shrugged, drunk him was very... **Hot.**

They opened the door carefully, looking both ways, listening... ''Okay let's go...'' Tucker took one last glance at the closet, he smiled and picked up a _key ingredient_ , he held Wash's hand, leading him to his room, since it was closer, also everyone _knew_ not to just walk into his room. Everyone had learned that lesson the, _heh,_ hard way.  
Closing the door behind them, _locking it_ , Tucker turned to look at Wash lying in his bed... Wearing nothing but that _ridiculous_ tutu and princess crown, it was kinda hot... Which Tucker had _conflicting_ feelings about, he stripped off his own undersuit before leaning down for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, google translate, thank you for a (probably) terrible translation
> 
> Iiiiii haven't written this ship a lot (like once) so I'm not even sure it's good :)
> 
> Did Grif do all of this just for the food, you ask?  
> Yes.  
> Yes he did.


End file.
